&what if you catch me?

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 01:33:27 GMT

new journal

thats two underscores.

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 03:26:07 GMT

Well like i said, Josh broke up
with me yesterday.
I was upset, but i wouldnt let it ruin
my night.
Fionnuala came over, then we headed to the movies.
The lines were crazy.
We saw Mr.Valasko&Ms.P.
It was awkward.
JoshP. & Tyler meet up with us.
Mr&Mrs.Smith kicked ass.
Minus the whole panic attack towards the end
i held up pretty well.

then we went to Krispy Kreme.
on the way there, we decided we wanna
break into the fox point pool
and go swimming.
so fionnuala gets on the phone and
calls her fox point friends who have the
hook up.

so after eating donuts and taking
pictures at KK we head to Fox Point.
meet up with them
and hop the fence.
I'm wearing rather revealing
undies, by the way.
so that was awkward, but fun.

i met jasce, in my bra & what not.
then we take ashley&tyler home.

go into 7eleven where the girls
to try to seduce the old man,
while in their bras.
then we try to break into
the holiday inn select pool in
central park.
it doesnt work,
we run around.
hit up walmart, make a HUGE mess.

it was fun fun fun.

Lam gave me a ride home from work.
I dont like not being able to hold his
hand or kiss him.
or tell him i love him.
i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 02:19:31 GMT

Yes,
Josh&I broke up
last night, OK?

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 14:07:32 GMT

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 13:57:39 GMT

Mr.&Mrs. Smith Tonight!
I can't wait.
Going with or without Mr.Lam.
Maybe play some halo with the boys?

So orgeon trail= waste of time.
I helped pull the wagon for about ten minutes
until they wouldn't listen to David
& almost ran me over.
So after that I wouldnt help pull
anymore.

It started raining towards the end and it was
really exciting.
Alot of kids were jumping and screaming
"orgeon trail 2005!"
I guess all in all it was kinda fun.
once you get past...
mr harrell, the sweat, all the stupid kids...
i guess it would have been cutier to watch.

mr harrell=racist.
"One less blackie in orgeon country."

My mom is coming in on wednesday
to shave mr. haugers head.
This is exciting.

I wish I was going to my reuion this year...

i ♥ Joshua[Pants]

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 13:38:21 GMT

So on my way upstairs this morning
the new girl that used to be friends
with stupid face, Anna, stopped me
and said
"carly, i'm really sorry about everything."

& it made me really happy.

orgeon trail today...
GREAT♥

i am NOT looking forward to this at all.

i have to leave in a few to go get dressed for it.
This sucks SO bad.

i just may cry.

BYE♥

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 14:08:30 GMT

Computer has a virus.
Workin at school.

So Steve decides to tell
Mr. Lochart
"yeah, Carly always talks about you."
And david's all like
"yeah, she has a MAD crush on me."

So this now makes me...
Josh crazy girlfriend, who's in love with David.
Score.

I bought a REALLY awesome
shirt yesterday.

I saw Phipps.
Got really excited and hugged him.
Hes too cute to HAVE ever dated a girl
like her.

I also bought Josh a BAD Halo 2 shirt.
Yeah, I'm cute.

end of class.

i hate steve, bye.

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 00:30:34 GMT

Today was fun.

At the end of the day I met Josh&Todd.
We go to Mrs.Fox's class.
I laughed so hard.
They were cracking me up.

Then we head to McDonalds.
Where David just shows up.
We were in McDonalds for about 20
minutes & made THE biggest mess.
We broke things.
We climbed on everything.
And we dumped a soda, everywhere
And Mr.Lochart couldnt be cutier,
when the woman came to clean it up,
he was like
"Well its my mess, i'll clean it up."

Then it was over to Todds to play Halo.
Or in my case watch the boys play Halo.
I honestly did not relize how INTO it
these boys get.
They each had their own Xbox & tv set up.
I sat with Josh&David & Todd sat across the room.
They had their little head sets in stuff.
It was sooo adorable.

Josh's short were really
really really short today.
It was pretty...gross.

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 01:08:23 GMT

So last night Sabrina called to tell me goodbye.
She had already left and was on her way to Tenn.
I didnt wanna actually have to say "bye"
at the end of your conversation, cause I would
have to mean it.
Finally the time came where I had to say it,
and in the middle my voice cracked, and i started
crying like a baby.
Why do all the amazing people have to leave?!

Well, I was telling every one at lunch
about the situation with Robert.
And I guess Josh didnt like that and felt
he needed to redem himself by being a douche.
So he starts cocking an attitude.
Well in fourth he kept making comments like
"we havnt had sex in awhile, NOW"
"or give me head."
and it just irritated me, so i got kinda
bitchy with him.
And he ended up tellin me he was:
"sick of my little attitude."
well this makes me cry.
and he just rolls over and goes to sleep.
i get so upset i started crying and drooling
and making all sorts of awful noises.
then we come outta class hes not saying much
so i ask, "are you mad at me?"
he tells me no, but then goes in this speech
about how im still stuck on Robert.
Well i get so upset and mad i start crying
and can barley get a word out.
and he grabs me and tells me not to get
so upset.
while all this is going on some of the
girls that talk to anna are just watching us.

I was mostly pissed that he tells
im stuck on robert when he STILL
talks about the ONE time him and Jackie had sex.
HONESTLY!

It was just a bad day.

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 14:08:06 GMT

These were too cute:

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 13:34:21 GMT

I think this fits perfectly with today:
"Another sunny day and Cal-if-for-nia.
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it."

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 02:28:27 GMT

How upsetting would it be
to lose your first love to
a 30 year old woman?
A 30 year old widow.
With a kid.

Great.♥

Tue, 31 May 2005 02:31:01 GMT

She's gone.
I've known her since 7th grade.
She was the only one who liked me.
I've stood up for her some many times.
Shes good hearted and wonderful.
And i'll never, ever see her again.

I didnt even get to tell her i loved her.

I cried so hard tonight i couldnt breathe.

Goodbyes are so painful,
but more painful when you never get to say them.

Sat, 28 May 2005 18:49:08 GMT

Yesterday was the all day drama one act festival.
I had alot of fun.
Todds scene...well it was a good story
bad acting.
Fionnualas was great. They did a wonderful job.
Eddie&Crystals scene was great too.
They made me laugh so hard.

Then Todd,Fionnuala&I made plans to go out
to get a cake after school.

I decided i didnt want Josh at lunch with
just Jackie.
So I went to lunch & 4th period.
4th period was cute, mr harrell wasnt there
so Josh&I just laid and talked.
He rubbed my back, and just made me feel
wanted.
Then back to drama.
Where we didnt do a damn thing.

I sat in the corner with
Todd,Alli, Fionnuala, & Crystal most of the time.
Ashlyn came for 7th period.
She came & sat with us for a bit.

Then Fionnuala&I

We met Josh at his truck after school,
& he took us around front to Todds car.
When he found out I wasnt riding home
with him, but with Todd, he seemed
alittle mad.
But hey, now he knows how I feel.

So went back to my house.
And then to walmart to get a cake
for G.

Gosh, I think this picture is cute.
Then we go to McDonalds.

Fionnuala&I go home & decorate the cake.
Shit hits the fan with me&mom
party gets called off. I get upset&mad&cry.

My kitty has babie.
This is exciting.

Then we go out to take my brother somewhere.
We go to Tractor Supply to see Todd.
We look stupid cause the store was closed.
Then we go to buy tampons at Giant.
Go through Josh's line.
He cocks an attitude.
I get upset.

We decide to go to Bobbys.
I feel sick.
I go home.

Fri, 27 May 2005 02:43:44 GMT

Love when I laugh so hard I snort
Doesnt mind that I'm bipolar
Knows how to calm me down during a panic attack
loves my passion for writing&reading
thinks how geeky i am is cute
doesnt mind that sometimes i have pretty bad fashion
can live with the fact that I really think thing through
loves random midnight phone calls, and loves to return them
would rather hold my hand, than get hot&heavy
will tell me he loves me, no matter whos around
doesnt mind when I pay
loves watching bad love movies
will listen to pointless stories about my day
loves my mom
shows up at random
loves my friends
doesnt mind what a cry baby i am
doesnt mind that alot of songs make me cry
will sing in the car with me
knows the perfect time to say "I love you"
doesnt mind that im a little mixed up
calls me "beautiful"
thinks im cute in my pjs
not fucking my friends is a plus

...

But JoshuaLam.
Will do just fine.
Xxskidmarks15xX: i love you

Wed, 25 May 2005 03:08:04 GMT

Senior picture tomorrow.
Which is more fun to say.
SENIOR SENIOR SENIOR!

So when I got off the bus
today, my fan club was there.
So great, now they know where
i live.
i love those ~~bitches~~
...girl.

So we're coming down to the
end of the month.
which means, do or die.

Things are getting outta
hand with G's birthday party.
I gotta get my shit straight.

I passed my englih SOL.
I did better than Josh on the writing
part:
PurpleChucks1: And the only thing im good at is writing.
Xxskidmarks15xX: no ur not
Xxskidmarks15xX: hahaha
Xxskidmarks15xX: :-D
PurpleChucks1: thank you joshua, the benchwarmer.
Yeah, he was jealous.
I love my little benchwarmer.

Hes really getting into this
husband&wife scene for Harrell.
itsadorable.

Tue, 24 May 2005 01:55:54 GMT

I have pretty mixed feeling about today.

I got in A in harrells for my outfit.
That was pretty cool.
I did better than Josh.
We picked out a scene to do.
I'm his wife. *sigh*

He really upset me today.
Like does he HONESTLY
think i'm going to forget
what happpened between the two of them?!
No, I'm not.
And frankly, we both need to drop
it.
He needs to stop bringing it up.
And I need to learn to be ok with it.
Which for me is easier said
than done.
I dont know HOW to be ok with it.

So Fionnuala, Lanson, & myself stayed after today.
In hopes of hanging up posters.
Well that never happened.

We wrote Mr. boyfriend notes
and put them in his locker.
Played in the rain.
Ran through the school.
Power went out.
My mom got hurt at work.
Fionnuala&I came to my house.
And baked a cake.

My back is killing me.
Period pains?
I hope.

Mon, 23 May 2005 14:07:00 GMT

In class.
I love Sara, the cute boy, and Joshua Lam.

Mon, 23 May 2005 01:24:34 GMT

Well
this pretty much scared the
shit outta me.

Xxskidmarks15xX: am i a bad BF
Xxskidmarks15xX: ?
PurpleChucks1: no. why do you ask?
Xxskidmarks15xX: i feel that i dont reat u right
Xxskidmarks15xX: im bad
PurpleChucks1: no you arnt.
Xxskidmarks15xX: im a loser
PurpleChucks1: well that you are:-)
PurpleChucks1: ayyiyi
Xxskidmarks15xX: well i feel that ur too good for me
PurpleChucks1: are you trying to hint at something?
PurpleChucks1: please dont be.
PurpleChucks1: should i call?
Xxskidmarks15xX: no no im not
Xxskidmarks15xX: im just a failur
PurpleChucks1: no youre not.
PurpleChucks1: i really wish you could see how nuts i am about you.

"Don't be cruel, to a heart this true."

Sun, 22 May 2005 20:32:13 GMT

So.
I've been singing
Elvis.
All goddamn day.

"Don't be cruel, to a heart this true"

Sat, 21 May 2005 02:44:46 GMT

Had a button war in
2nd period.
I stuck a handful
of buttons in
Clawson's pants.
He got me back...
really good.
Buttons are
still
falling outta my pants.

Somewhere along
the way I lost
the bottom ball
of my eyebrow ring.
Josh noticed right before
5th.
So I took it out.
When i got home i relized
my last one was a
14g. The one i had in
was a 16g.
This has happened more than once.
So. I really need to make it
down to Corkys and get a new one.

I was hoping to see
Josh when he got off work
tonight, and watch the sex scene in
"The Monster's Ball"
cause I heard it was hard core.
But his step mom found out
he was skipping and freaked out on
him. So he went and checked on his truck
and went straight home.
Ilovethevan.

My computer wont let me
upload my pictures.
So still no spoon
pictures.
And this trully makes me
mad.

I took a nap.
And i'm still
tired.

So I totally hate Fionnuala.
Come on honestly, who likes
Star Wars other than my boyfriend?
slut

Fri, 20 May 2005 02:11:15 GMT

I love that Anna still
is talking about the
bomb threat.

Josh started with me
at Giant today.
I didn't hardly anything
done, cause I just couldn't stop
watching him.
Hes just,
so cute.
We were like the talk
of the store.

Then we rode home together.
Yeah, and we had to take the
van.
Oh yeah.
Then we sat in the driveway
for a bit.
He was making me laugh
so hard.
"Whos that in the van?
Oh my God. Its mid 30s
Josh."
I love when we giggle
like that.
I love when I calm
down and can laugh
at his comments,
rather than get upset.

He makes me
glow.

Spoons pictures
will be coming.
Dont have to work
tomorrow,
but Josh does.
So I'll do it tomorrow
while I'm bored.

Wed, 18 May 2005 03:19:03 GMT

God, he makes me happy.

I just want to tell everyone
"Thats him!"
Thats the boy who
stole my heart.

So looks like theres
some MORE girls talking
shit about me.
When will you learn?

So Monday we played
"hard core spoons"
in 3rd period.
And looking forward
to some today.
Hopefuly, again with
the cutiest boy
ever.

I think mom is picking me up early tomorrow.
I need to get stuff for Harrells class.
For his Oregon Trail
BULLSHIT.
Josh is excited.
I'm annoyed.

So, Josh gave me a flower today.
He found it in the hall.
But none the less.
When he does goofy things like
that it make me happier than
anything.
But my favorite is holding his hand.

Tue, 17 May 2005 03:19:48 GMT

I know Josh has good
intentions.

They just get lost
in this like need to seem
tough or something.

But my god,
hes just won me over.

I love watching him
when he was with Todd.
Cause i know thats
Joshua
No covers.
No nothing.

I'm the kind of loser that
believes in signs.
And I think its a
sign
that my mood ring never
changed colors
till i started really talkin
to him.
And now the only color it turns
is purple.
Purple being love.

Stupid. I know.
But hey, that me.

Tonight has been a roller coaster.
And I just started crying.

Mon, 16 May 2005 22:56:50 GMT

So the hi-light of my day:
Lunch with Todd.

That is until Josh pissed me off.
Well he didnt really mean to.
But I ended up getting really mad
and leaving the table.

Hes so...stupid sometimes.
Thats terrible for me to say.
Hes not stupid.
He just doesnt see that what he doing is
upsetting me.
Or what hes not doing.

He just knocks me right off my feet.
And always catches me.

And plus,
he looked adorable today.

I love that when he sees hes upsetting me
he does little things that comfort me.

Rub my back.
Hold my hand.
Squeeze my knee.
Whisper stupid things to me.
But my favorite is
every time I look at him,
even if i scowling,
he shoots me
the most priceless,
adorable
smile.

And <i>thats</i> why i wont give up
on him.
Hes good inside.
And i can tell.

Now that i'm crying.
Im such a fag.